The white baby's burden

A century ago the U.S. civilized the heathen with the Bible and the bayonet. Then we exported democracy through aerial assaults and foreign aid. But now, in the era of social enterprise, America's white urbanites will save the world's people of color by buying pants for our children to crap in.

Gosh, I can't wait for the next time I'm abroad, when all the colorfully dressed natives will smile in gratitude for what my shopping does for them!